Are you a woman who is under the TRIPLE THREAT?

0:00 hey hey guys welcome to a little talk i'm going to do on my new book a radical awakening i'm going to be doing a reading from it and discussing some themes from it if you want to go buy the book but better yet be part of my 10 day deep dive course go to a radical awakening dot com and get the course i am going to be diving deep into the book in these 10 days the course is on the

0:32 website a radical awakening dot com so you will get three books with the course and a deep dive hi everyone tell me where you are signing in from i'm going to be reading some stuff from my book today and hoping to have a discussion with you tell me where you're signing in from and what you are doing today to make your day a better day to love yourself more to be more connected what are you doing

1:02 today to take that step toward you so tell me where you're from what you're doing today to connect more to your most authentic self so this book that i've written a radical awakening coming out next month go to a radical awakening dot com join me for the 10 day deep dive or get the book so the reason i wrote this book is because in my practice with hundreds and hundreds of women

1:33 especially i began to notice a common theme and you tell me in the chat if this is resonating with you in your life so the theme i noticed across women across demographics all over was this that we women especially were trained to be hungry

2:03 for a pr approval validation and praise so in my book i call it the triple threat we women are hungry for approval validation and praise so do you find that this is true in your life tell the truth if you do things in relationships or don't do things in relationships because you are hungry for approval

2:35 validation and praise for example if you're upset at your partner or upset with your friend you may be afraid to bring it up because you're afraid to lose their approval validation and praise so i wrote this book a radical awakening because i wanted to help women come into their power so there are many books out there for women to come into their power it's the thing of the times

3:08 feminists write about it psychologists write about it so how is this book different it's different because i not only talk about my own journey i also outlined the journey as a therapist as if i was taking you down the journey and i also integrated with spirituality transcendence mindfulness so it's got the whole package okay so i began to notice that we women are

3:40 addicted to approval validation and praise so is this right for you we are addicted and if we don't pay attention to how we're addicted how we are needy how we are co-dependent on the other giving us approval validation and praise to tell you that you are worthy to tell you that you are significant then we will not awaken so in my own life i had to realize how addicted i was to these things and

4:14 that the reason i was not being authentic was because i wanted approval validation and praise i wanted the other to approve of me so what does approval really mean approval is we we're literally asking the other for permission to exist do you give me permission to feel what i feel do you give me permission to exist do you give me permission to follow my passion my purpose that's what it means to seek approval is to seek permission

4:43 and most of us women have been addicted to seek permission to exist in subtle ways in insidious ways in invidious ways from the external world and if you're really honest with yourself you will notice how you have been seeking approval permission to be permission to exist from the external world and you know

5:14 this is what we snatch steal rob from our children we do not give them free approval our approval is conditional and we teach them to be dependent on us for approval validation and praise and then the cycle continues through generations but we women know this so well we women know how much we've been trained

5:45 like sheep to go to the other for approval so what is validation the triple threat is approval validation and praise so approval at its core is the permission permission permission to be do you give me permission so i can be validated can i be worthy can you love me can you give me permission and as long as we ask the other for permission for approval we will always be tethered

6:17 liberation comes from untethering the other as being the source of our approval so what is validation validation is am i even good enough am i even good am i valid are my feelings valid so the first one is do you give me permission to even have them validation is do you even think that it's okay for me to have these feelings am i valid so we women have been trained

6:48 to look for validation on the outside you know we're looking for somebody to tell us it's okay to have that feeling it's okay the first one is can i have it the second one is it okay to have it and we don't take the authority back in our own power we give this authority away why because we grow up in a patriarchal culture and it's normal to do that no blame here no shame and i'm not blaming the men

7:17 either the men are in the patriarchy too sure they have a lot of benefit and they may have even helped create the patriarchy but we women are helping co-create it we are helping uphold the patriarchy so we need to take ownership of all the ways that we are upholding the patriarchy and this is what my book does it's a thick book go get it a radical awakening dot com if you go to a radical awakening dot com

7:49 and press on my course i'm doing a 10 day deep dive you will get three books for free so think about it do you want to just buy one book or take my course for 10 days so that you can radically awaken and then you get three books for free hmm think about it so in this book i talk about how women and men but mostly women are addicted to approval validation and praise and praise is simply do you celebrate me

8:21 do you hold me so worthy that you celebrate me you uphold me you elevate me so we're constantly looking for the other to celebrate us right that's why we want our children to call us on mother's day and we want our friends to throw us our 40th birthday party or 50th or 60th because we want to be celebrated and here is where we lose our power because we are waiting for the other

8:52 even if it's your children your parents your partner or your best friends as long as you are waiting for them to give you approval validation and praise you will forever be undermining yourself so right now in your own life this is what i want you to do i want you to look at your life right now honestly and truly reconcile who in your life do you need approval from who in your life do you need praise from everybody who in your life

9:25 do you need validation from i know the answer is everybody it would be lovely if everybody gave it but here is what we're talking about something deeper that hunger that that thirst that beggar mentality that we all have we're all beggars begging begging begging do you love me do you see me do you need me do you do you think i'm worthy right that beggar mentality that has got to go now it's not going to go just by

9:56 a motivational speech that's why you need a book like the radical awakening because here i outline the steps i take you on a journey i take you down a path see there are thousand books written about how we women need to stand in our power but nothing's changed much right because we cannot we cannot do lip service to this process this is not a rah-rah-rah let's go and do it everybody knows that

10:26 but we don't change our lives why because it's difficult we need to go through a process when we need to have the light bulbs go off right it's not easy this is damn hard it took me and it's still taking me 48 years i had my first awakening at 21 and then i continued the next 22 years of my life as if i hadn't had an awakening awakening and then i had another awakening at 44

10:58 and i'm 48. and i'm still having awakenings because it is such a deep conditioning by culture that we women have been taught to shut up to give up our power you know we're so loving i love to be loving i love to cook and i love to nurture and i love to take care and i love to say yes and i love to put smiles on people's faces but in that doing and loving and caretaking i forget that my needs are important too

11:30 and then when the person around you is so used to you giving up your power and you doing everything for them then when you are like hello i have needs to they don't like it they think you're demanding they think you're a right and then you're like oh maybe i'm a and you don't want to be a but here's the thing you have to be okay being a so if you want to be okay being a

11:59 come to my 10-day course on a radical awakening i'll teach you how to be okay to be a and i've realized in my own journey i still get so upset when people call me a and when they say hey look she's being such a i still get so mad so upset don't call me a i'm not a i'm a nice person right till i realize oh my god why am i getting upset being called a a means that they are

12:30 uncomfortable with my power and the moment i reframe that i was like call me a i think i'm okay with it i don't know i don't know yet but i'm getting better with it because i realize a is somebody who's in her power and it may not have to be a bad word it could be said in a negative way and that's how the patriarchy wants you to take it the patriarchy wants you to feel bad

12:54 about being powerful so they call you something that knows will poke you but if you reframe it and say oh you're just getting threatened by me aren't you i'm in my power now aren't i then you just go okay call me what you want call me what you want i'm not gonna be quiet anymore so owning our power owning our dominant sovereign loud big

13:25 unabashed self is a radical awakening that we women need to go through women need to go through a radical awakening together today right here right now as sisters we need to support each other go to a radical awakening.com and sign up for my 10-day course and i will show you how and you get three books for free so i'm just going to read something from the book many of us struggle with our true power

13:57 because we don't want to be a burden we don't want to be seen as the bad one and because we're so attached to our idea of goodness we're so attached to our idea of being the good one that we can't take it if we bother other people because when we upset other people they don't see us as the good one anymore but guess what part of being authentic is going to bother a lot of people so are you ready to be

14:26 authentic or you don't want to bother anyone for the rest of your life yeah you're going to have to mess up the whole equation you're going to have to stir up the pot you're going to have to piss people off they're going to call you a so are you okay with it or are you going to be like no i want to be the good one no more so we have to wake up we have to be okay with asking

14:52 for help messing up breaking up walking out speaking up pissing people off they're going to scream and yell at you especially the patriarchy they're not okay with women standing up so the power is now waiting for you to give it permission to be unleashed so are you going to give yourself the power to say i'm not going

15:23 to be afraid because at the end of the day i'll just be alone i'll just be alone why is being alone such a bad thing wouldn't you not rather be alone and authentic and with two other friends you will have two other friends i promise you nobody's ever alone alone you'll have two friends isn't it better to be alone with two friends and completely authentic than it is to be completely fake with 50 people in the room all going oh

15:53 she's so good she's so good but you're being completely fake so end of the story that's it you want to be fake and you want to be known as the good one or you want to be authentic and you may be called a decide okay the choice is yours i made my choice and i'm totally being called a but i'm being authentic so decide decide how you want to live the rest of your life don't wait for permission don't wait to

16:25 be considered valid by somebody else and do not wait to be celebrated by others because you'll be waiting all your life you have to give this gift to yourself you know i had a client once and she bought a ring for herself because she was so disconnected to herself i said you can't be in a relationship if you're not even connected to yourself you're just going to perpetuate the so if you want to learn how to marry

16:53 yourself if you want to learn how to enter your worth go to erraticalawakening.com i'm doing a 10 day deep dive you will get three books and i am going to take you down all these pages step by step by step so join me so that you live an authentic life you step into your power you don't wait for anyone else to give you permission to be free to be you take that permission back and you give it to yourself

17:24 so there's a way to do it there's a process to do it go to the link it's been posted everywhere or just go to a radical awakening dot com and sign up for the 10 day deep dive let's do this get your friends get your sisters get your mothers so that we can be a community of women who radically awaken and you get three books for free as well do you want to radically awaken with me if you do