How To Feel Phenomenal When You're a Mom (From Hot Mess to Energized!)

0:00 In our culture, when you're a mom, you're expected to just wear yoga pants all day, have Cheerios in your hair, have spit up down your front and always look a little bit like a hot mess. There's this excuse that it's okay, right? And it is like being a mom is so exhausting and demanding and there's so much that it takes from us. And it's really hard to look and feel phenomenal when you're so busy running around after little toddlers, taking care of newborns all night, chauffeuring kids, preparing lunches, loads of meals, loads of laund laundry, cleaning all the time.

0:33 I get it. That's why in this video I'm going to give you some tips on how to look and feel phenomenal even when you're a mom. And this is not a fashion video or a lifestyle video or a makeup video. I am not a guru on any of those things. I don't understand them at all. But I will tell you this. When you feel like you look somewhat put together, somewhat taken care of, you like the way that you look or you feel at least, you know, pretty good, then you operate better.

1:03 You are a better mom or dad, you are a more patient person, you are more upbeat and positive person, you just feel better about yourself in general. And I happen to think it's incredibly powerful parenting tool to make ourselves feel like our best versions of ourselves, to make ourselves feel great. Because that gives us energy to show up for our kids. We have more energy for them. We have more patience, more love, more joy, more space and just more of ourselves to give when we feel good.

1:37 When you feel good about yourself, when you go out into the world feeling confident, feeling like you look good, feeling like you've taken care of yourself, like you're put together, like you're not, you know, just like a rag for everyone to walk all over, like you haven't lost it, you know, you're going to have more energy. You're going to be a better parent, frankly. So. So I want you to feel phenomenal. And I know that you might be on sleepless nights.

2:02 I know that you might feel like you put on lots of weight from the baby, or like you're just not eating well, or like you have zero time for self care. So let's get into these tips cause they could be life changing. My first tip for feeling phenomenal even as a parent to young children is not to snooze in the morning. Now you might be thinking avital, I don't get to snooze. I have little people who wake me up at 5am I get it.

2:27 So, so do I. But the difference between snoozing or not snoozing is how groggily and how unhappily you get out of bed. Are you begrudging it? Are you dragging your feet? Right? And I know that this is also a question of are you a morning person or not? And also a question of did you get enough sleep or not? But there's something to signaling to yourself that you start your morning with mojo, that you start your morning with energy.

2:54 So it's about opening the blind straight away and having that natural light. It's about getting up, stretching, having a tiny little morning routine, right? Drinking your water, getting up, greeting the day. And not like schlepping yourself out like you never want to get out of bed. You have to actually be dragged out or you're dragging out grumpy, right? So putting on a smile, greeting the day first thing is going to help you feel phenomenal. And it's also going to help you hold yourself accountable to try and get better sleep.

3:22 And I'll share my video about getting better sleep below. But the idea is really that each day is a precious gift and that just because we have young kids doesn't mean it's any less of a gift. And that we signal to ourselves, how are we going to start the day? What kind of energy are we bringing? Are we, you know, really wishing it away? Are we pushing it away from us? Are we saying, oh, I can't believe another morning has come, or are we excited to start it right?

3:50 Getting up feeling phenomenal, putting a smile on our face, putting some gratitude in our heart. Now if you want to get all fancy, you can journal some gratitude ideas. You can do a five minute meditation, you can have a shower, you can go for a run. I don't know what else you do, but all the things that make you feel great in the morning, the way you start your day is going to absolutely set the tone for how you feel for the rest of it.

4:12 So start your day without hitting the snooze button, without being pulled out of bed by your kids. Try and jump out of bed, try and skyrocket yourself, really kickstart that day with energy. By the way, this is doubly true if you're sleep deprived, if you've been up all night with a, with a newborn. And I have many, many times, I know what that's like. Years and years and years. It's even More true. It's even more necessary to signal to yourself that the day has started.

4:38 And you want to get that sunshine in in the morning. You want to open the blinds, you want to see outside. You don't want to stay like in a, in a cave, right? Because that's going to make you feel moldy and sluggish and grumpy and no one feels phenomenal when they feel those things, right? So leading on from that is to get dressed in the morning. Okay, I know this is so controversial. Many of you are going to be like, no, I need to stay in my pajama pajamas all day.

5:04 I need to. I can't get dressed. I don't have time. And the whole I don't have time excuse, guys, we kind of have to kill that one. Like, we kind of have to remember that we decide how we run our time. Each one of us could get up five minutes earlier and get dressed if that was the issue, or have a shower. A lot of you are going to say, oh, but I can't. With my kids, they don't let me.

5:25 They immediately demand, you can, you can set limits. You can say, yes, mom, I'll be with you in a moment. I first need to get dressed. My kids know absolutely that I get dressed first thing in the morning, and then I'm not available to help them unless there's an emergency for a few seconds while I'm getting dressed. So what I mean by getting dressed is wearing clothes that you didn't sleep in, and preferably wearing clothes that feel good to you, that are clean, that fit you, that look nice, that make you feel phenomenal.

5:53 I don't know why. I'm not sure where this trend came from of parents just wearing their grossest, raggiest clothes, right? Wearing just like the torn T shirts or the clothes that stained. Or also just always wearing loungewear or activewear that's not making them feel good. If you want to feel phenomenal, you know what makes you feel phenomenal? Wear that, right? So obviously you're not going to wear some, you know, dry clean only silk dress while you're taking care of your children, but wear things that fit you well, that are clean, that feel good.

6:28 Because you can't feel phenomenal if you don't feel like you look like a human being who's put themselves together somewhat. I think at least I can't. I don't know. It's important to me. And that goes for the next tip, which is do something to take care of yourself in the morning. So Maybe it's a full on shower and washing your hair and doing the whole thing. Maybe it's just washing your face. Maybe it's wearing a little bit of makeup or a full face of makeup.

6:54 Maybe it's putting on an accessory. Do something that shows that you're showing up to the day. If you were going to an office, you would certainly put yourself together. If you were going out even to the supermarket, maybe you would put yourself together more. There's no reason that you shouldn't do that for yourself at home if it makes you feel good. Now, none of these are comments that come from judgment. If you don't enjoy that, if it doesn't make you feel good, if you like having crusty eyes and bed head and, you know, pajamas, then go for it.

7:23 That makes you feel great. I think most of us feel better when we've made a little bit of effort to show up to the day. And I think that's doubly important when you have a newborn or a toddler and you feel like your whole day can just go by in one blurry blob, just bodily fluids and stuff. So take care of yourself, put yourself a little bit together, you'll feel better, you will start to feel more phenomenal, you'll start to get more energy.

7:49 And I would recommend getting dressed, even down to the shoes. Now, we don't really wear shoes at home, but if you wear slippers or if you are going to go out on a walk or something like that, getting dressed down to the shoes, as if a guest is coming over, or as if you're going to be going out somewhere where you might be seen, it's going to signal to you that this is a day, right? It's not just a waste of a day, it's a real day.

8:11 Take it for real and take care of yourself and show up to it with some energy. Now, what fragrance makes you feel phenomenal? Most of us really respond subconsciously to smells. And many times we'll only put on a perfume when we're going out for dinner or meeting someone. But maybe there's some kind of hand cream or a candle that you would like to burn, or essential oil that you want to diffuse, or incense that you want to burn or something, or baking or your coffee in the morning, right?

8:39 What smell is going to make you feel phenomenal? Many of us respond well to some kind of amazing smell. Why don't you use that every day as a little psychological trigger to yourself that you deserve to feel phenomenal, that life is beautiful and inspiring and delicious and special and exciting. And especially smell could really evoke all of those things, right? It could be soothing, it could be enticing. So maybe use some fragrance or some aroma in the space or on your body or in your food that makes you feel fantastic.

9:12 So maybe instead of just making your eggs or your salad or whatever, you add some basil and you smell it, or some mint to your tea and you smell it, or some lemon to your water. And those smells can be something that invigorate you and that make you feel phenomenal. The same goes for music, right? What music makes you feel phenomenal? Is it calming meditation music? Is it Beyonce? Is it 90s music? Whatever it is that's gonna really get you going.

9:40 Use it. Use any tool that you can think of to make you feel phenomenal. And I want you to just get in your mind that when you have little kids, it's your duty to feel great. Like, that is something that is a good parenting hack, right? That makes you a better parent. When you feel great, you're going to up to your kids with so much more energy, with so much more patience, with so much more joy, and you're going to also model for them how adults live a life that feels great to them.

10:08 So none of us have any life to spare. We don't get spare days, we don't get spare years where we were just in a blur of raising our children. Those days and those years also need to feel good. And that's how we create family bliss, is by helping ourselves to actually feel. Feel good. Just feel good, just feel high vibe, right? Raise your frequency with whatever you can. I'm just giving you some practical tips and tricks that help me, but raise your frequency however you can so that you feel great and that you're vibing high so that you can be the best parent that you can be, okay?

10:44 So similar to that is the food that you love. What food do you love? I want you to start to treat yourself. And this could be a whole separate video, but I want you to start to treat yourself really well. And that means that you sit down and you chew your food, you eat your food. You eat your own food, not your toddler's crust. You actually take the time to prepare that food for yourself and that you're eating somewhat mindfully, somewhat intuitively, right?

11:10 Somewhat in tune with your body. Now, I'm not a health nut. I'm not a nutritionist. I am not a fitness coach. I can't tell you what to eat, how to eat, although I'll be perfectly happy to share what I eat. Let me know if you would like to see a video about that. But treating yourself well and feeling phenomenal is, of course, something that starts from the inside out. And if you want to feel good, you can't be just stuffing your face with food that makes you feel sluggish and bloated and heavy.

11:39 That's not going to work. You won't feel phenomenal. You won't feel your best energy. And so take some time to invest in learning about eating well, in learning about drinking water and when to drink your teas and your coffees and cutting out things that aren't good for you. Right? Things that you have intolerances to or things that are just making you feel slow and heavy and maybe depressed. Right? So making sure that you're getting a little bit more in touch with your diet and taking it a little bit more carefully and caring more for yourself in that way.

12:13 So I want you to treat yourself like you're another child in the family, to take care of someone that deserves a lot of love and intentionality. And often we treat ourselves at the bottom of the pile like we care so much about which nutrients our kids are getting and making sure that they're eating well, but we don't take the same time to care for ourselves. But ultimately, caring for yourself is caring for your kids, because they need a parent who feels good and who shows up well and who stays healthy and who lives long.

12:42 They need that, too. And so why wouldn't you care for yourself just as much, if not more, than you are caring for your children, given that they are dependent on you? So just like maybe when someone's pregnant or breastfeeding, they really think a bit more about what they're eating because they know that it directly influences the baby. It directly influences your kids. If you are healthy, if you feel good, if you have tummy aches or you're bloated or you're sluggish, it directly influences your kids.

13:10 So really think about eating well and respecting yourself enough to sit down and eat your meals properly and not just snacking on the go and not just shoving chocolate in your face in the pantry. I know, we've all done it. It's not a good scene. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't make us feel phenomenal. This is also modeling for your kids how adults feel phenomenal by eating phenomenally. So, yeah, go. Go down that rabbit hole. Take it on.

13:36 It's a great idea. And leading on from that, take Time to take care of little things throughout the day that make you feel great. Like, for example, many parenting memes talk about, you know, that you never get to drink your coffee while it's hot, right? Never getting to drink your coffee while it's hot because you've prepared your coffee and now your kids need you, and this one calls you and that one stepped on Lego and that one has a dirty diaper and whatever, there's no time.

14:02 So whether it's coffee or tea or just another thing that you have to do, like a phone call or an email, take the time for the things that are important to you, for the things that make you feel good, right? Don't. Don't put yourself at the bottom of the to do list. Don't put yourself at the bottom of the pile. And I know that that can feel like counterproductive or paradoxical, contradictory advice that you know that cannot be.

14:30 However, there is something very powerful about our mindset there, that when you actually adjust your mindset to put yourself first in many ways, right? To say, well, no, I'm drinking my coffee now. And I did promise myself I'd read a chapter of this book, so I won't be available to do other things until I've done this. It sets a tone in the home. Your kids get used to it. They actually become more independent and do the stuff for themselves that they can in the interim.

14:55 Of course, if they really, really need you for whatever reason, you'll pause and you'll help them. But the idea being that your time is, is meaningful and the things that you enjoy and the things that are important to you and the things that make you feel good are important for the whole family and you're going to take the time to do them. So if I'm drinking my coffee, I want it to be this little morning ritual.

15:17 I want to sit down and actually eat, intake it and smell it. And I don't want my kids disturbed. You know, not disturbing. They can hang out with me, but like, pulling me away from that to follow their agendas because they have a ton of them first thing in the morning. And whilst I want to get to all of that stuff, I know that if I take that moment for myself, I'll feel better to do the other things too.

15:39 So treat yourself well. The next tip to feeling phenomenal as a parent to young children is to have a little night routine where you actually take care of yourself before you go to bed. Now, I know this might, this whole video might sound like just, oh, self care, self Care. And of course it is. Yes, correct. Self care is incredibly important. But one of the things that happens is that we flop at the end of the day, right?

16:02 You've held it all together. You got through the day somehow. And when the kids are finally asleep, you could just maybe, if you are anything like me, you know, find yourself completely exhausted and just flopped out in front of Netflix on the couch or something like that, right? Just, just binge on Facebook or scrolling through Instagram, or just shopping and doing something that doesn't necessarily make you feel good. So take back your evenings, take back your evenings into something that's more deliberate, right?

16:35 Watching things that make you feel good, fine, watching is great. But watch something that makes you feel good. Make your evening something that are going to set you up for success for the next day. So for me, for example, one of the things I have to do in the evenings is completely clean my kitchen and set out breakfast for the morning. At least the breakfast bowls. Make sure that the floors are swept, put away any items I like to clean up in the evening because I like to wake up to a fresh home.

17:02 So one of the keys to feeling phenomenal is actually taking care of future you, right? So you know that in the morning you're going to have a ton of stuff to do. What can you set out the evening before that's going to take care of you? Can you set out clothes for the children, clothes for yourself, food for the morning? Can you prep any meals, any of the tasks that you can do in preparation? Preventative tasks are a way of taking care of yourself and helping yourself to feel great.

17:29 It feels so great to wake up to a clean kitchen. It doesn't feel as phenomenal to wake up to a sink full of dishes. So one of the ways to get your mojo is to care about your future experiences and look for ways to set yourself up for that. That could be anything from putting the laundry in the night before so that in the morning it's ready to go in the dryer, etc. Right? But really take back your evenings.

17:55 Is the main point here to be productive for you, not to just flop, right? But to perhaps you're listening to a podcast or a book or something and doing something that actually helps you, that actually advances your cause, or that is truly winding you down and resting you for the next day, right? A meditation, a beautiful documentary, journaling a bath, self care routine, doing your nails, doing your hair, I don't know, whatever it is, right?

18:25 Changing your sheets, just lying in bed and using an eye Mask and relaxing yourself, putting cream on your feet. Make it like a little. Either make it productive for you or make it like a little spa ritual where you're calming yourself down and getting yourself into a really good, good sleep. And then get an early night. That is just the tip ever for feeling phenomenal as a parent is to get an early night. My bedtime is 10pm, eyes closed.

18:56 And so that means I have to do all that stuff before then. My kids go to bed at about 7, I'm cleaning for about an hour. Then I'm going to unwind and watch something. I'm going to take care of myself, do a little night routine, get myself ready for sleep and go to sleep. And it's, and it's just incredibly important. We all know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. We can't feel phenomenal and show up for ourselves.

19:18 And the truth is that even when I have a newborn, waking up every couple of hours throughout the night, if I've gotten to sleep early, then I'm still refreshed in the morning because I was in bed enough hours. So yes, there are times when I need to work in the evening or where I just binge and go to bed late and I forgot, but most of the time it was preventable. Most of the time I could have gotten to bed an hour or two earlier.

19:42 I just kind of wasted my time on social media or whatever. And really it's not for me to blame my children on my sleep deprivation. It's really my own excuses and my own responsibility to get to bed earlier. So I see going to bed early as the supreme form of self care as a way of feeling phenomenal, as a way of preserving my health, my energy, my skin, my digestive system, everything is going to feel better when I sleep better.

20:12 And that for me primarily means going to bed early because I get up early and because I often get up throughout the night. So the point here is just to take responsibility for your sleep and really make it a priority so you can feel phenomenal. I want to leave you just with this thought that feeling phenomenal as a parent is a form of good parenting. You're going to be a better parent for your kids. They're going to enjoy you more, you're going to enjoy them more.

20:35 Family life has all of its stresses. It's inherently challenging. There is no reason not to do everything you can to just feel great throughout the day, everything you can to get your pleasures where you can to make the experience more enjoyable. It is not selfish. In a bad way. It's selfish in a great way. Your kids deserve a parent who feels good. Your kid deserves a parent who feels healthy, who feels phenomenal, who feels energetic, who feels less stressed and more relaxed and more in touch with themselves, more in touch with their identity, more proud of how they look, of how they feel, of how they move through the world, of how their body operates, all of that stuff.

21:14 And you should feel no shame in taking whatever measures you can to feel phenomenal as a parent. If you like this video, give it a thumbs up. Let me know in the comments below what else you would like to see from me. And stay tuned because here's my next video. I am a mother of five who runs her own business, homeschools part time, and has a lot on my plate. And whilst I'm so grateful for all the support and help that I can get, I also know what it's like to be so overwhelmed.

21:42 So today you're gonna hear 10 hacks from me. To be less overwhelmed and get a handle on your life so you feel like you're rocking it, like you're the CEO and like you can do this. Let's go.