# Learning More About Two Positive Choices & When They Should Be Given **Creator:** Conscious Discipline **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 3m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q ## Summary The discussion focuses on the concept of providing children with two Positive Choices to empower them and avoid false choices that include negative consequences. This approach encourages autonomy and decision-making skills, promoting a positive environment for children to learn and grow. - Positive Choices involve offering two acceptable options, both of which are constructive. - False choices include one positive and one negative option, which can lead to feelings of coercion. - Examples of Positive Choices include asking a child if they want to hop or march to the sink, rather than presenting a punitive alternative. - It's important to recognize the developmental stage of the child when offering choices, as younger children may not be ready for this approach. - Children around 15 months can start receiving choices, and by age four, they can contribute to creating those choices. - The effectiveness of offering choices depends on the child’s emotional and cognitive state; choices should be developmentally appropriate. - Empowering children through choices fosters a sense of control and responsibility, enhancing their decision-making skills. ## Transcript [[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=0s) so we're offering them two Positive Choices meaning both of the choices are acceptable it's time to wash your hands do you want to hop to the sink or March to the sink you might do that for a younger child for an older kid you might say do you it's time to wash your hands do you want to wash your hands by yourself or do you want to take a friend with you so we given a couple of options [[0:17]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=17s) but both of them are positive meaning that it's not one good one and one bad one which is what false choices are so we many of us were raised with this eat your food or starve right be quiet or you're going to bed early those kinds of things so one of them is a positive one one's a negative well obviously you're not going to choose the the negative one you're going to choose the the the positive one so we want to offer two [[0:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=40s) Positive Choices on how that they're going to do it instead of do it or off with your head we're going to offer them two positive choices and this takes practice because many times we think we're giving a positive choice and we're actually giving a we're offering a positive thing and then offering a negative which could be a consequence so you can finish your math or you don't get to go outside right you can follow the rules or you can go to the office [[1:06]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=66s) you can stop it or go pull your card you can listen to me or I'm going to call your parents so we've there we've had those false choices woven into our lives and that's what many times it sounds like we're giving them a choice but two Positive Choices means they're both positive there's not a or else one thrown in there so which one is a false Choice get started on your work or you can go to detention ention get started [[1:31]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=91s) on your work or say I need help so the first one being get started on your work or you can go to detention so because that's a get started on your work or else so whenever you hear someone give a couple of choices and one of them you could throw in or else then that's a false choice so we want to shift from do it or else to you have a choice empowering them to choose because power [[1:55]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=115s) comes from choice not force so when do I have for choices and to whom do I have for choices so some things to keep in mind first of all what brain state is the child or the adult in in their survival State we don't offer choices ages 0 to 15 months we don't offer choices they're in their emotional state and beginning around 15 months and that's when we can start offering two positive choices and whenever they reach [[2:22]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=142s) around the age of four then they could actually be part of choosing what the two options are so we could say what are your options what are two ways that you could do that and we give them some buyin by letting them be part of that process and again with the the age range and not only the age range but also the developmental level can the child understand the choice that you're giving them if they can't understand the choice [[2:47]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssFdnPYR5Q&t=167s) then we avoid giving a choice so we want it to make sure it's developmentally appropriate it's age appropriate can they understand it and that they are in either their emotional state or in their executive State when we offer the two choices