Your Job Isn't To Keep Your Kids Happy

0:00 I think a parent has two main jobs, all the time. And it's boundaries and validation. Boundaries are limits we set. They're limits we set. They're decisions we make often for a kid's long-term benefit. It's kind of like the structure a kid grows up with around things can only go so far. Not because I'm not going to let you win. It's actually related to the fact that, and this is very important, my number one job is to keep you safe. Mhm. Now, that's been, I think, something shifted in the last decade or two where we've confused safety with comfort. Safety does not mean comfortable and happy and optimized all the time.

0:36 >> Oh, okay. >> But, safe. It's not safe for you to run around Target taking things from the wall and, I don't know, throwing them to the ground. It's not safe for you to throw sand in the sandbox at kids. It's not safe for you to watch endless hours of TV or be on your iPad. Those things just aren't safe. So, we have to set boundaries. There are limits. And a kid always has the same reaction to a boundary.

0:58 They're upset. They have a tantrum, you know? Throw a tantrum tends to be a phrase I don't love cuz it almost seems like that's this active like yeah, like mischievous kid being like, "I'm going to throw The little little boomerang the thing that they're throwing. [laughter] Yeah, it's just like this, you know, it's I think tantrums are when or any bad behavior are just when feelings are greater than skills. >> Oh, I like that. Any bad behavior is when feelings are greater than skills.

1:20 At any age.