Ask Me Any Fatherhood Questions - LIVE With Jason | Dad University

0:02 Hello. Welcome to Dad University. I'm Jason. Um if you are watching this on a replay, welcome. Um I do lives when I get a chance or I wish there was a little bit uh more steady schedule, but it becomes difficult sometimes. And uh but so if you are joining us live, uh hopefully notifications go out so some people can join us here and uh I'm taking questions. If you are in a replay, you know, feel free to post questions uh in the comments as well.

0:36 And that's fine. Uh I try to get to as many questions as I can and try to answer them, but uh as you are joining the chat, um let me know where you're from. Uh if you have any questions, throw them in the chat window. Usually it takes a while. So these initial these initial couple minutes while people are being notified is is always exciting. But uh say you know, feel free to say hello. Let me know where you're tuning in from and uh Hey Derek, good to see you.

1:08 We'll see as uh people are coming in. Glad uh anyone, depending on your time zone, I'm glad you can join us here tonight. I've got uh I was dropping my kids off and uh stopping by my office. And so before I have to go pick them up again, I uh Eli, good to see you from Texas, right on. Uh Derek from Minnesota. I'm in San Diego. So uh a little bit different uh weather than Minnesota.

1:41 Probably similar to Texas right now. But um yeah, I'm going to be taking questions. Uh often times when I do these lives, I get some great questions. Doesn't, you know, subject matter typically about fatherhood um just because that's what we do here, but uh certainly welcome with any other questions as well. Um if you want to support the channel, go to daduniversity.com/support. Best way to do that is become a member because you get access to all the courses, all the videos, everything.

2:16 And um the other way is a donation, but uh you know, hey, that's always appreciated too because you know, I don't know if you've ever run a YouTube channel, but the time and energy that it takes, forget about, I mean, just the YouTube channel, but the courses and the videos and everything else, but just the YouTube videos as far as um you know, making sure all the information's good, scripting, editing, recording, it it's it's a lot. And so when you guys contribute, whether that just be watching ads, even just people watching ads is really helpful uh rather than skipping through those, that that really helps.

2:57 Um but the becoming a member, that's really the way to support the channel. It allows me to bring, you know, more videos to you. So if you've got questions, I can see people are pouring in here. Um say hi in the chat. We've got a lot of new subscribers, which is awesome. Um I I was looking I just from time to time. I don't I I can usually tell the activity on videos uh based on comments. It's just like this, you know, cuz I get notifications cuz I don't look at like I mean, I do sometimes, but like I don't really obsess about like the views and the subscribers and all these things.

3:35 And so I try not to. And um it's funny cuz I I when I get a ton of comments are coming in, that's when I know that like the videos are, you know, a lot of people are seeing them. And all of a sudden, I mean, I've been doing this for years now and all of a sudden now the videos are going like this, subscriptions are going up. Um so it's been it's been really cool. So there are a lot of new subscribers that are joining us.

3:59 Um from Spokane, VIP Saxena. I don't know if I'm saying the name right. Um So Brian, you'd asked, how do I get my 8-month-old son more comfortable at daycare? He's been going twice a week for 3 months and he still hasn't gotten adjusted. Um quite honestly, I think that's the responsibility of the daycare people. Um you know, it that's a real you know, you if he's understanding or he's communicative, like, I mean, which at 8 months old they're usually not. Um you know, they're not saying much or doing much.

4:37 That's really the responsibility of the daycare place and to help out with that. Now, things that you could do, I mean, you could play like role play and say, "Hey, when you're at daycare, you know, how do you do this and how do you do that?" Um but ultimately, I remember when we we had um like a a preschool, actually, well, so the 8 month old's even younger. Um Yeah, I mean, I honestly, I don't even know that there is techniques for that.

5:03 I mean, I'd be I I'd be guessing if I said that there's something to get more comfortable that your child's 8 months old and they're getting more getting get more comfortable about being away from you other than just being away and they they get used to that, which, you know, you don't necessarily always want that. Um so I would talk to the daycare people, too. Um because I have always felt like that is their responsibility is like to make the children feel comfortable.

5:31 You know, you might want to consider a different daycare and see um you know, if they're the ones saying that, they're the experts. Um so they should be able to do that. Um Raleigh, good to see you. Hey Jason, as a new father, I found it difficult to stick to a routine that I would thought make keeping the essentials easy. Is there a method you recommend to stick to a routine? Um well, as it with a newborn, no.

6:08 You it's very difficult. I tried working at home um with a newborn and it didn't go well. And so I I can tell you I you know, I remember taking business calls with my baby, my son, on my lap. Um you know, like I was holding him and holding a call and I mean, this was before we were doing Zooms. And so it was very, very difficult because you know, the the child is not getting the attention, my work is not getting the attention or clients.

6:45 And so I think it's very difficult. I think you know, I'm a routine guy and so you just have to do it. You have to spell it out. You know, if you have the financial means, you bring somebody in for a couple of hours if you're not efficient, you know, um even just a younger kid or maybe there's some, you know, older retired person that wants to just help out or a family member. But yeah, I mean, as far as sticking to a routine, that's, you know, I can tell you everything and the bottom line is you just got to make it a priority, you know, you you have clocks and you have um less distractions and um you know, I'm not a productivity expert, but um I do have uh Alan Brown who runs uh Crusher TV.

7:34 Um he's an acquaintance friend of mine. Um he has a bunch of productivity hacks and maybe you can check out his website. He's got a like a membership um that, you know, for to people make people more productive and and such that might help. Um VIP Saxena, I don't know if that's the way uh how to be better at bonding for a newborn at 1 month uh time. You just it takes time. And I didn't I didn't bond with my my child, my son, the first time like for a couple of months. So it's just time. It is holding spending time.

8:14 That's it, you know, at 1 month because they're not really that um responsive in a sense. Like, you know, you're trying to get them to smile or they make a noise or whatever. And so for us as men, I think in general, I'm stereotyping, but you know, we weren't carrying the baby for 9 months. We didn't feel it kick. We don't have the same bond that a woman does initially. And so that just takes time. Um and so I think you need also need to give yourself a little compassion and and reduce the expectations that you should have a bond with the child right away. You will.

8:52 You know, you it does take some time and I think men often get very frustrated that, you know, hey, I know I don't feel really close to this child. I you know, I'm and it took me a while. And it was just time. And and the fact is I was working out of the house. I wasn't at home a lot of the time. And my wife was working part-time and so she spent more time with our son. And so I think that that's um that's the that's the thing. I think just kind of don't have too high of expectations for yourself.

9:22 There's nothing specific that I would recommend other than, you know, holding the child, spending time with the child, bathing, doing nighttime routines, feeding. I mean, do all the things that you just would do with your child. You just have to do them more. And that's why I would say that like you can do a ton of that stuff and it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to feel that bond cuz the baby's not responding that much. It's like it's not like the baby's talking to you and saying, "Hey, thanks, Dad. I really appreciate you doing all this stuff."

9:48 And so um all right. Um let's see. Um So, Owen, um I like this question. I've never had this one. This is good. Uh what are some ways that I can instill confidence in my wife to allow me to take more responsibility with the baby? Um I would be curious why your wife doesn't have confidence in you.

10:23 Um I think this is more of a like a psychology thing. There's there's a couple different things going on and granted this is just a quick question, but I would say that there's there's obviously something that either she's possessive, I'm just talking out loud, that either she's possessive and thinks like that if you do so like that this is all psychology stuff, but um like that if you do a really good job, she might feel like less of a mom. Like that's one scenario. Another is like she's seen you do things and you don't know anything about children or that you messed up in on something and so she's worried about that.

11:03 Um she's just being overprotective, you know, whatever. There's a lot of different reasons on why that is. So, I think you have to be really clear on why. So, I would ask her instead of me, I would ask her that in in a very loving way and saying, "Listen, I really want to be involved in the baby's life. I'm the father. I I I want to do this and oftentimes I feel like you know, you're you might limit that or you know, you come up with a good way of saying it and saying, "How would you feel more comfortable and confident in me taking on those responsibilities?"

11:44 I mean, most women would love that. If she doesn't, that's why I ask what's I would ask what's going on. Because most people that I hear, a ton of women on the other side of this, is I need him to take more responsibility. So, um yeah, I would ask her that question in a loving way. I think I think uh Let's see. Um So, Dylan, uh got four boys. Me and their mother never got along, so she split for another man and I haven't always been around due to incarceration and legal issues. And I'm trying to figure it out to be a better dad. Well, I appreciate that and I think that they will, too.

12:32 Um It's It's really about effort. Um it's not about what you say, it is really about what you do. And you can say all the things and this is the same thing with with women. You know, you can say you're going to do something. You can say that you want to do something, but it's all about your actions. And um you know, keep it up. The fact that you're here is important. Give yourself some um you know, some credit and some some compassion for doing that.

13:01 And continue to just be there and you know, make plans with them. Be there. Show up. And even if you don't get along with her, that's okay. Um you have to be the better person and put that aside. And you know, your children will look at how you act and how you respond and how you are with their mom. And the absolute best thing that you can do is be respectful, be honest, um be responsible and show up when you say you're going to show up. Those are all great things that you want to teach your children and so that's what you do and you emulate that and you know, you'll be good. You'll be good. I appreciate you making the effort to do that. So, um it it is really important that fathers are involved, step up, um not even step up cuz we should be there. It's stepping in, you know, and I I do I do some videos cuz I you know, I even like there's a video I have about you know, crap, I got a girl pregnant, what do I do? You know, and so many men and many instances think that it's the woman I'm not I'm not talking about your response in your situation, but many men just feel like it's the woman's responsibility to raise the child. And I don't know where that came from on the fact that they have it inside of them.

14:30 Okay, but it's 50% your DNA. You know, that child is 50% you. And as such, we are 50% responsible for that child. And so, I never understand obviously if you get in trouble, you get pulled away or something, you know, but I never understand men not wanting to make the effort to do it. Um I do hear it and say, you know, it's difficult. Um I I work all the time or I had some other issues.

15:03 Okay, but you can still make that effort to be there and and be present. And it's not even so much often about the quality of time, it's the quantity of time. I'm sorry. Not the qual the It's not the quantity, it's the quality. And so, um Yeah, that's really important. Um So, Bassbone, good to see you. My wife's 18 weeks pregnant and I'm very excited. We both work full-time and I'm afraid of how we are going to balance a child with our schedules. Any tips or advice?

15:40 Expect that it's going to be difficult. It is. Not Not going to BS it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It is difficult. Um It is time-consuming. It's mentally consuming. It's financially consuming, but it's all worth it. Um You know, it it's one of those things. I My kids are now 15 and 13. And everybody talks about how fast it goes and such. And it I'll tell you, it I cannot believe that my children are that old now.

16:14 And um So, yeah, I mean, advice for balancing I've got a couple videos on balancing work and life and and family. Um you got to be on a schedule, that's for sure. You guys have to be a team if you're together with mom. You have to be a team. You got to help each other. You got to give some time off to each other. Um you have to pay attention also to each other. And it it's a lot. It is a lot and that's why I think it's, you know, for so many people it's difficult and why there's a lot of people that aren't good at it or that aren't making the effort because it is hard. You know, it it it's it is hard to think about things all the time, sacrifice things, um it just is. And so, I think part of the advice I I use this word compassion. In fact, I have a bracelet on that says self-compassion because I have to remind myself constantly of it.

17:14 Is um you know, being compassionate about ourselves. Um Um So, Alex, what do you recommend for introducing solid food? Thoughts on baby-led weaning? We are doing purees and nervous to transition. I am not a baby food expert. I'm going to be the first one to say it. My wife, of all things, handled that.

17:44 Um We pureed. We did all of that. There are some people I would just research it. Um Honestly, that's my honest answer. Um the food, breastfeeding, a lot of those things are just not my areas of expertise. And so, I would pass that on to the experts. I'm sorry that I'm not a a resource of that. I I mean, I know what we did. Um And you know, my my wife really took control of that. We We pureed everything, all-natural stuff, and then slowly introduced um you know, um solid foods. And also the weaning, she was breastfeeding as well and that was her department.

18:28 She's a nurse, too, so I kind of let her do that. Um So, yeah. And you know, and that's something, too, I I want guys to understand is like you know, when you have a partner, you know, that was part of it, also, is having the expertise in the different areas where we helped each other. And even to this day, you know, there are things within our family that my wife is just much better at and handles versus things that I handle. And there are some things that we both handle. And and kind of just knowing your strengths, relying on that. If you don't have a partner, that's a different you know, scenario. Um but when you do, that's been really valuable is understanding and supporting each other in our strengths. And as an example, you know, food-wise, at least when they were little, um you know, she she really took that on.

19:22 And so, yeah, I appreciate that. Um but also don't have an answer for you. Um Let's see. You guys have some good questions. Um Chicken Wing Hunter. It's a nice name. How can I get my 29-month-old daughter to stop pushing her cuticles back on her thumbs and fingers.

19:54 Um, that's an interesting question. The only thing I've known of is and and you have to make sure that it's safe for children, I don't know. But I knew because I knew an adult that had that problem. Um, although you're saying pushing back, let's see. Oh, pushing cuticles back. Um, I mean, it's routine, you know, it's it's maybe um, I mean, dare say you could put tape over it. I I might ask your pediatrician.

20:24 Um, I I know with with people who bite their nails, there's like there's, you know, safe stuff that you can put on it that just tastes really bad. So that, you know, and it's still safe for you. So that if you, you know, try to bite your nails, you know, it doesn't taste very good. But as far as like stopping cuticles, I, you know, as I said, you could maybe put tape on it. You just catch him in the act and say no.

20:50 You know, no, don't do that. Or also, you know, possibly give her an alternative. You know, maybe maybe she's she could be like fidgety. You know, give her like um, you know, some sort of fidget toys if she's very tactile. Uh, that might be something that could help. Like, you know, how they used to have like fidget spinners and buttons and things. Um, maybe to just keep her occupied. That that could be a, you know, that could be something.

21:14 Um, let's see. Here's the interesting Jimmy, what age should be right to get my daughter a phone? So, we were the last family among all my children's friends to get our children phones. We, my children were 13. And that was old and late and they complained and they whined and um, but I don't care.

21:46 And then now once they have it, there's limitations on what they can use and what they can do. I do think as parents that is up to us. Um, you know, the difficulty on the other side in the argument is it makes it really easy to communicate with them and know where they are. Um, you know, we have, you know, like Life360 and we can see where they are at. Um, and then even the communication of just, you know, good and bad. I mean, we, you know, I can say, "Hey, I love you." or have a great day or something like that. Whereas, you know, before I wouldn't be able to say that.

22:19 Or we have a lot of scheduling things and do that. But you know, the later the better. As much as you can delay it, I think everyone has their own feelings towards it. You know, a lot of people are trying to delay till eighth grade. Um, you know, or 13 or or so. I just would try to delay as long as possible. And then once you do though, limit the phone or have a limited phone. Um, one that doesn't have apps. It just calls.

22:46 Um, and then that, you know, that changed too because all of their friends, what what had happened, and I could just I can tell the story is that, you know, so my child didn't have a phone. So, you know, that's fine. We just say no and, you know, they they function. But all of their friends had phones. And then, so once we did get the phone, then all they had was like texting to each other. And their friends are all on Snapchat or WhatsApp or, you know, these different apps.

23:19 And they're all communicating and they're communicating in groups and they're meeting up and they're doing things. And so what ends up happening is they became a little isolated as a result of it. And so we have to make the decision to say, "Hey, listen, the technology is horrible and I don't want my children doing that." versus the balance of, "Okay, you're able to do it with some limitations because you know, the actual social aspect of it has been positive.

23:47 There are certainly risks, there's certainly negatives and um, you got to watch out for those. So, hopefully that helps. Um, Vic, pacifier or no pacifier? Personal decision. Um, we tried to give our children pacifiers and neither of them wanted it. So, if you can, you know, I, you know, the most difficult thing with a pacifier is weaning them off of it. So, you know, it's up to you. I I don't think that that's a I'm not a I don't have a really strong opinion either way.

24:22 Um, let's see. Raleigh, how can we look how can we look for dad groups to meet and such on the weekends? I'd like to let the wife take a day off and relax baby free and also gives me the chance to bond. Well, I, I mean, I don't know if bonding with the child it with other dads is really bonding with the child. I would say, I mean, that's great if you want to bond with other men to like have camaraderie with other dads, that's great. But as far as bonding with your children, that's not going to happen. Um, you know, bonding with your children is you doing something with your children. And what happens at these dad groups, not all of them, but a lot of them is, you know, kids will play together. And so they get to socialize the kids and then they the dads talk to each other. So, if that's something of interest and great, I think dad groups are great. Um, there's, you know, City Dads, there's also like Facebook groups, there's um, yeah, I mean, there's there's not a ton of them, but City Dads is a big one.

25:27 Um, and then the other part of it though, if you really do want to bond with them is that is just do things on your own. And and that can be a little intimidating and scary sometimes cuz you don't know what to do and but, you know, going to the library and reading to them or, you know, we used to have like free music shows at the community centers and stuff. We would take the kid or or even going to the park and you interact with them at the park and stuff. So, yeah, I think so there's two different elements of that.

25:57 Um, uh, Rivic, my wife's going in for a C-section tomorrow morning for our first. Well, congratulations. Was wondering if there's any tips to make the hospital stay and recovery smoother or more bearable for her. Thanks in advance. Ask her. Um, you know, comfortable clothes, you know, things that she likes. Maybe if she's like into reading or puzzles or, you know, things to keep her busy.

26:32 But, you know, a lot of it's about comfort. A lot of it is about um, you taking the brunt of like communication and like people visiting and, you know, making sure everything. So, what you can kind of think of is like you're kind of the protector. So, you are the one talking to the hospital staff. You are the one doing, you know, let her focus on having the baby or being with the baby, etc. And you are sort of like the bouncer. You know, however you want to put it.

27:04 You are the protector, you're the communicator, you're the quarterback, you're the, you know, that is a way to think about it. Um, and then also as a coach and supporter for her. You know, just you're doing great, reinforcement. Those are kind of the the most important things. Other than that, like if it's specific things, I would ask her, you know, it's like, "Hey, how can I make this more comfortable for you?" And and being, you know, being easier, uh, you know, an easier time for you. I Hopefully most women would tell you. If not, they'd be like, "Well, you should know."

27:38 That could be, too. Um, Mr. CBD, why does your one-year-old ignore you? Um, there there's a lot of reasons for that. Um, if you're not the primary caretaker, in other words, you're not spending as much time with the child, then that can be just a preference. Um, my son used to say, you know, I would come home from work and he'd say, "No, Daddy. No, Daddy."

28:08 And what that meant that we realized was he stopped getting the attention from Mom or as much when I came home. So, he didn't see it as like, "Oh, I get to see Dad." It's he he saw it as like, "I'm not getting the attention." So, I made it very like a lot of effort to like really focus on him when I got home. You know, we would either read and with bath time and we do the stuff. And so and and my wife was very conscious of that. She's like, "No, no, you do the bath. You do this. You like" and I just had to spend that time with him.

28:46 And as I did that, you know, it became great. Um, you know, he's 15 years old and he still is okay hanging out with me. Um, you know, so it it it it is something you have to you you it's up to you to foster that relationship. You know, it's not up to the child. Um, So, Corned Beef Delicious, I have a four-year-old boy. He gets in trouble sometimes at school.

29:20 Preschool sends daily reports. So, how do we know he did some So, we know that something he did something wrong. How do we get our boy to admit wrongdoing and explained what happened? Um, I don't know that that is um, I don't know that him explaining what is wrong is or what he did per se. I I it's it's really understanding what what might be going on with him, but I don't know that a 4-year-old can typically articulate that. If you can, you have a very articulate 4-year-old. I think it's more to understand and work with the school about what could be going on.

29:59 Now, I think you also I don't know your family life. I don't know anything. But, you know, some kids act up and that can be lack of attention. It could be that there's turmoil at home. It could be that they're um you know, a little less confident and so when they're at school, they don't feel very comfortable or safe. I mean, there's there's so many things. So, I think you really have to understand what is going on or why and when does that happen? And I think those are conversations with the teachers or the you know, the people at the school and in a in a positive or like loving way that like you're really curious. You want to work on this. You want to help. Um you know, you there's no blame. It's like you're really are concerned about your kid and what is it you know, what's going on?

30:49 I mean, it could be as simple as that there is another child that's at the school that is really mean. And your child just doesn't get along with them and so they always, you know, end up having an argument or something. So, yeah, I think it's really important to do that. I don't know that I would leave it up to a 4-year-old to really understand what's going on. I think um you know, you can ask the questions, but not sure you're going to get the answers that you that you want.

31:20 Um Sir Herman, how do I support my wife at the moment of breastfeeding, storing milk in the refrigerator freezer? How much should we worry about storing? I like I said, I'm not a breastfeeding expert. Um I think it depends on the volume that your child is consuming. You know, usually people like to have at least, you know, couple days worth. Some people I knew people that had a month's worth.

31:53 Um it just it becomes, you know, how much you have of storage and and and how much you want to do. As far as you supporting her, that's again, guys, I'm going to I appreciate all the questions, for sure. But, I want to also make sure, too, that you know, cuz a lot of time my answer is this is ask her. And a lot of people feel cuz I'm making the assumption that you haven't. If you have and she doesn't give you an answer, there's only one or two things. Either one, she doesn't know, you know, in whatever that is. Like, how can I help my wife do this? How can I make my wife more comfortable? How can what in this situation what should I do with my wife?

32:35 Well, you know, the first thing to do is to communicate with her. And that means in a very loving way, "Hey, listen, I really want to help with X. What is the best way that I can support you to doing that?" And she's like, "I don't know." Well, then how are you supposed to know? You know, you're just supposed to come up with some ideas. I you know, if the person that you're trying to help doesn't know how you can best help, I don't know that you can figure that out.

33:05 And so, asking your spouse or partner or whatever is absolutely first crucial. You have to have that communication. Now, if you you're trying to surprise them and just by by helping, which is appreciated, but it's not always the the best thing. You know, give you a perfect example. You know, you do something to try to help your wife because somebody like myself or some other person suggests that you should do this.

33:39 Well, if you don't take into consideration your specific situation, your wife might hate that. You know, um like let's say she's just really likes to clean. I'm just making this up. Like she really likes to clean the kitchen a certain way. You know, and if you know that it's like and somebody says, "Well, I really think you should help by cleaning out or cleaning the kitchen." You know, you may already know and say, "Well, no, she likes it a certain way."

34:06 That may not be helpful to her. You know, instead she'd say, "No, no, no, I you know what would be helpful if you vacuumed." You know what? That would be helpful. Or "Massage my feet. That would be great." I mean, every as much as women are very similar, they're very, very different in what they prefer and what they So, we have to communicate with our spouses in the same way that we have to communicate our, you know, the things that are good for us and that we like. So, I really um want to emphasize that that uh that's an important thing to do. I just got one or two more here. I got to go pick up my children.

34:40 Um let's see. You guys have some great questions, though. Um Um I do want to add before I go, though, if you're not a member, check out our membership. You can pay what feels good. Um that's the best way to support the channel. You go to daduniversity.com/support. That has the membership link there. Also, you can make a donation. This stuff takes a lot of time, money, effort. I totally appreciate this.

35:17 Um Corned Beef Delicious, yes. Uh we have had a lot of new sub subscribers uh recently, which is awesome. I love that. Um brand new dads coming into the fold and that's you know, subscribing is a great way. Watching the actual ads on YouTube is very supportive, as well. Um and then short of that, if you want more, you want the courses and the videos and all of that, then being a member is the way to do that. It's it's really really helpful and supportive for us. It allows us to spend more time doing this. So, um appreciate you guys. Um all the new people, all the, you know, people participating here.

35:57 And uh if you have more questions or comments or stuff, just after we're done here, just throw them in. I'll try to get to as many as I can. And um that's it. It's been good. I appreciate you guys. And hopefully I can get back on soon. Uh That's it. Thank you, guys. All right, take care. Have a good uh rest of the week. And uh go hug those kids. See you.