Sabina Veronelli, Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor, Brisbane, AU

0:00 hi I'm Sabina I'm a certified chain enhancer and an instructor in Brisbane hand in hand teaches us how to make connection the focus of our parenting and how to translate it into daily actions today I'm going to tell you a story of a mom who use any member engine tools to help her child with having a hard time and kindy Charlie's four years old he usually loves going to candy he loves playing with his friends and his favorite game

0:28 is played with trucks one morning his mama team fixing to kindy and the teacher notices Charlie's behavior is quite unusual he doesn't play with his friends he stays by himself then if his friends abroad him which has been simile eventually the teacher notices Charlie snatches the toy of a friend so ashamed beings and reminds him that it is not okay to snatch toys and he needs to return it Charlie gets very upset he starts yelling and throwing toys around

1:00 and eventually he cried the teacher says with him and tries to make him feel better and to reason with him but no matter what she does Charlie spends the rest of the day looking grumpy and unhappy till when Malcolm around the teacher and tells her back term something has happened and Charlie was not on his usual behavior and mom knows that she needs to help Charlie Jane Charlie's mom doesn't know what's

1:32 wrong with Charlie she tried the masking but if there's nothing so she has recently learned that a flat behavior can be seen as a request for help and she knows that when a child feels emotionally safe when he feels connected to the people he loves he will show them his emotions so she decides to do special time for the rest of the day so she decides to pour her love and attention on him so that the sense of

2:01 connection will be restored and he will show her this Duncan is wrong so she quickly organizes a takeaway dinner and she postponed everything else she's got a day and announce it Charlie about they're going to have a very long special time when I were in a half of special time Charlie's very happy and they start playing when I were and a half later mom tells him by the time is over and it's dinnertime Charlie's very happy he's feeling very hungry but he

2:33 says the only thing he's going to eat it's chocolate so mom knows that she needs to bring to limit inhale in hand parenting we learn to drink limits in a loving and firm way so Jane does Charlie that it is not okay to have chocolate for dinner but he can have the dinner she organized and she tells it to him with a lobby voice and looking at him in the eyes shall is not happy he yells that he is only going to

3:04 eat chocolate in his first crying so what happened the emotional safety that mount created with all of that connection all that special time is allowed Charlie to accept his feelings and mums and willingness to be Vince to his request is what he needs to access all that frustration and tensions that created the object behavior previously that day so Charlie start crying and mum does what we call stay with me

3:37 in hand in hand parenting we learn how to hold a safe space for our children when they're having difficulty motions and we call it State listening we stay with them and we basically we are basically showing them that we love them even in their hard times this allows them to access the hurts and release them and heal and regain their ability to think well and behave well and play well with others so what Jane did was

4:11 staying with Charlie whilst was crying and she would tell him things like I'm right here with you and I see you're having a hard time and jela kept crying and mommy was right next to him and then Charlie said on her lab in Manhattan and after about 10 minutes Charlie come down and mom are things she was ready to have dinner and he said yes so they went to the dinner table and ate dinner and then

4:41 later on when it was time to go to sleep Charlie got ready for sleep and he had a good night sleep for the morning after he got ready for kindy with no fuss and mom's drop him off at kindy where he had a very good day so this is the story of Charlie and Jane and what I wanted to tell you with this story is that you know what happens and sometimes our children have challenges we may know the

5:11 reason for them or we may not like you know Janie in this case but what happens with hand in hand parenting is that you have a perspective and you have some tools that allow you to help your children whether you know what's happening to them or not so if you'd like to learn more about hand in hand parenting and if you're interested in courses here in prison and click the link below I would love to have you in

5:40 one of my courses