How to Make Someone Obsessed With You Without Trying! | Chase Hughes

0:00 a lot of different people on those topics, correct? >> Yes, sir. I certainly did. >> How did you go about getting into this coming from the military? >> So, I I chose this path when I was 19 years old. I I joined the military when I was 17. And 19 years old, stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, we're at a kind of like a bar down in Waikiki Beach, and I asked some some girl out, and she essentially just said no.

0:29 she was a little rude about it, and it hurt. Yeah. I had a I had a like it actually hurt. And I remember going home and typing into Google how to tell when girls like you. And printed out this big stack of of paper, and try and just trying to like I was just trying to kind of avoid rejection again, just cuz that left a a pretty good-sized wound. And I got obsessed with this people reading stuff, and it Over time, it became addictive because I was I started getting less and less nervous in conversations with other people because I realized everyone is suffering. Everybody's having this impostor syndrome.

1:14 Everybody's has these insecurities. These They might be different, but everybody's got these things. And it was it was years before I realized it's just a universal condition. And I think it kind of deleted social anxiety for me, which I had as a teenager. And just being able to see like everyone is screwed up, so to speak. We're all screwed up, and most of us are just trying to hide it. And just being able to kind of see behind that mask really became addictive for me.

1:45 And I got addicted to the behavioral side of things. And then worked in some detainee operations and stuff like that, and I got obsessed with the interrogation side, and the what can happen in a conversation and as both of these things. It's A, the person that is reacting the least to the other person. And B, the person who needs the least from the interaction. However, when it comes to establishing some kind of frame, it is I will say there's a third thing that is whoever is least dependent on an outcome will determine the frame because they're having more fun, they're more in the moment, and most of all during this interaction between these two people, and it's not cuz they're doing this as tactics. And I I hate to throw this out there and be like, "Oh, you need to treat people like you don't care about them." Or like you you need to need the less than the other person. That's not what I'm saying at all. And I hope nobody goes that route. What I am saying is the moment that I can get to a place of I want to connect with you.

2:56 And me just connecting with you is more important than this contract that we're talking about. that's what I mean. I need less than you do when it comes to an outcome in the situation. That means I get to have fun. And most of all, I'm in front of my eyes during this conversation. And I will tell many of my clients, "The more in front of your eyes you are in a conversation, the more that you're going to decide what happens."

3:22 So, I'm I'm my awareness is not just jammed back in my head. What do I say? Does he Does he think I'm cool? Is he going to like me? Let me perform a little bit more. Let me smile a little bit more. If I'm not attached to an outcome, I become less performative and more genuine and more real. And we are so subconsciously attracted to that genuine nature. And I've watched a lot of your shows, and that's why I think your show is so popular because you're not scripted, and you don't use your smiles as a tool. You don't fake laugh if something's not funny. And that's why I think people are attracted to that. That's why we That's why Joe Rogan has more views than CNN.

4:05 We We see this stuff everywhere. We're We're starving for authenticity. And the way to get authenticity is to stop being dependent on an outcome and stop using your smiles and behavior as a tool to get something from someone else. >> Yeah. >> information out of people or you're you're in the business of leadership. The more sensitive the information that you need, the less questions you should be asking. So, you need to get really good at what's called elicitation. And this was created by a guy named John Nolan for the CIA and and other intel people. But, when someone says something, if we respond with a question, like a what's called a provocative statement is, I bet that's challenging or I can imagine that you enjoy that or I can imagine there's a tremendous amount of job satisfaction right there.

4:58 Or we use like a summary. Someone says something and we say, "So, you guys have been doing this a long time and everybody here is kind of an expert in their field." They're going to keep going and keep going. And every once in a while just a little bit of disbelief, they say some kind of big cool thing that happened you're like, "No way. There's no way that happened that fast." And then you get more information and more information. So, getting good at responding to statements with statements that are provocative. Not provocative as in they stir the pot, just provocative as in like they evoke a response out of the person.

5:30 So, if you go back to the grocery store, she did not classify me as kind of a weirdo because I wasn't asking about her income. I just used a provocative statement which triggered a need to correct the record. And that's not the entirety of the techniques, but that's one of them that's very powerful. And when we give up sensitive information when it wasn't a in response to a question, we feel as if we volunteered it and we automatically start viewing that person in a different category than everybody else. So even if you and I are in the back of an Uber and I say, "Yeah, I heard Uber's like super high on job satisfaction." The Uber driver's going to turn around and be like, "What?"

6:13 You know, and then he's going to start talking in a way that he doesn't talk to other Uber drivers with. I'm automatically in the unconscious part of his brain in the like a friend and they make you powerful at the same time. So I think it's just the most amazing tool in the world. >> Is that because something like that happened to you at some point and you went, "Oh, I want others to taste this." >> So I was studying I was 19 or 20. I was studying pickup. You remember this? It was big back in the day.

6:42 I was so into this. Like these little tricks to make to make girls like you and and pay attention to you. You're kind of like tricking their their brain into >> Yeah. >> like essentially going on a date with you or or XYZ. >> That's got to be the most natural number one goal for a 19-year-old male. Nothing to be embarrassed about there. >> Yeah. >> >> Well, the the next part I think is is what what embarrassed me at the time.

7:09 I had read these books for like a year and I thought like this is this is it. This is the stuff right here that that I want to really go into. And I had lunch one time with my mentor who was 74 at the time and he's a retired Intel kind of a guy. And I brought this book and I was I was really I'm not going to say the name of the book, but I brought this like pickup book and I put it on the table. I was like, "Man, you really got to read this. This is like next level stuff."

7:41 And without skipping a beat, didn't look down at the book and he goes, "Do me a favor." I said, "Yeah, what's up?" He takes a bite of food, just like so casual. He goes, "I'll pay you $100 if you can find something in that book that isn't telling you how to fake like you're a man and fake like you have your stuff together." And I did not make $100. >> I'll bet. Wow. So, he he really does get a lot of credit for not even helping you in the moment, but being a catalyst to all of the help that you are giving to people. That old dude, what was his name? I think we need to honor him. What was his name?

8:20 >> Milton. >> Milton. Got to love the Miltons of the world. I got goosebumps all over my body because Milton is responsible for so