Day 7 Viral Wisdom- From control to surrender

0:01 hello everyone I am doing an experiment today for my viral wisdom course it's number seven I've been doing this course every single day as you know at 12 Eastern on Facebook but today I'm doing an experiment and also doing it on Instagram live for the first time I've never done an Instagram story in my life this is my first time so hi everyone on Instagram and hi people on Facebook so

0:31 just say hello and tell me where you're from and I know I can you believe this is my first Instagram story live whatever I've never done anything on Instagram so sorry and thank you for the patience while I just get both these screens going so for the Instagram people I do this on Facebook live and I will be doing it via story which will stay up for 24 hours but if you want to catch this every single day then I'm on

1:00 Facebook or catch the story and noon Eastern every day or sign up for my newsletter so how are people doing let me know where you're from I never really stopped to ask you but today I'm gonna spend a few moments to just ask you where you're from and how are you doing so just check-in hi guys so this is viral wisdom number seven I'm doing this course every single day with you out of my heart to just

1:30 share things that have always bought me clarity in times of a crisis in times of unprecedented moments and to share with you how I have processed life in a small way maybe it'll give you some reprieve some relief and offer you some solace in these times of the unknown in the times of uncertainty everything is new everything is forming and many of us are feeling the anxiety of it so this is just my way to help you create some

2:02 selves in these moments and some piece so I hope you can catch me live every single day and share it with your friends and maybe this will just change the course of your anxiety just a little bit I'm not here to take away from your anxiety I'm just here to help you better understand it because we all need help so I'm just here to offer you this help in whatever way I can many of you know I've written books on

2:30 conscious parenting and so what I want to focus on today is how this moment in time is such a brilliant not only life lesson but brilliant parenting lesson so today it's specific for parents so stay if your parent because I'm going to help you understand your role as a parent even more deeply because of what we're going through so stay with me especially if you're a parent it'll take a little

3:01 time because hard concepts life concepts take time right nothing happens in a jiffy and we're getting so used to instant gratification and we're getting so used to sound lights you know everyone wants a video that's one minute long but that is not the way life progresses life progress is slowly and this crisis is here to show us that things take time and it's hard for us to sit still isn't it it's hard for us to do not be instantly gratified to not

3:32 have instant answers so this is a huge life lesson a huge parenting lesson that now instead of rolling through our feed moment after moment and just being a positive and just getting information now we're forced do not go for the quick bite do not be instantly gratified no life reality the universe whatever you want to call it God whoever it doesn't matter

4:03 now we cannot go and instantly gratify we have to detach we have to go slow and this process of going slow this process of quieting down this process of not being takers distracted acquisitive aggregating cumulating this process is causing us a lot of struggle it's causing us a lot of pain because our addictions are not

4:36 being served our addictive behavior is being cut off we have been sent to rehab we've been sent on a retreat and we are going kicking and screaming reality has intervened so to speak you know in in addiction they say create an intervention this has gone on too long create an intervention so in a way I see this as an intervention to our deeply addictive humanity we have been deeply

5:09 addictive and now we have been told go to rehab but we are not happy about it you know the bounty hunters have come and they're like go and we are kicking screaming tantrum and having meltdowns because we are being asked to detoxify from our old addictive patterns and this is terribly painful for us so I just want you to understand that even listening to this and having to endure a teaching is now against the tide you

5:42 know everyone in social media wants quick bites quick lessons instant lessons well I don't teach that way so if you want to learn something you're going to have to endure 20 or 30 minutes of paying attention because we need to go back to the way learning really occurs the way life should really be lived which is in the slow lane in the quiet lane non-addicted non Accu

6:13 accumulative non acquisitive and this is a painful lesson but this reversal is what we needed because we were going down the wrong way and we see it with our children and we complain about our children especially our teenagers that they need instant gratification they don't need ratification we are the generation that gave them the addiction we were the enablers that enabled our children to become addicts and now we are complaining about them

6:44 so before we complain about them as I teach in conscious parenting don't complain about your teenager don't complain about your toddler look at yourself we were the generation this generation our age enough 30 late 30s to 60 who gave our children the addiction who taught them to be instantly gratified and now we have been given a valuable parenting opportunity and a valuable human opportunity to go on a timeout and

7:17 to slow down so why do I say this is I've been saying this since day one a most profound life lesson and a most profound parenting lesson it is because what I teach in conscious parenting is for parents to understand this lesson you can be in charge but boy you are not in control and this is the fundamental thesis of my parenting philosophy in

7:50 conscious parenting you can be in charge but you are not in control and this is what this moment in time is teaching us more than anything else we can be in charge of a few things but boy this is showing us more than ever in a stock brutal but yet benevolent way that we are not control and this is the most painful lesson of life that guess what you are not in control of life you are

8:21 in charge of a few things but you're not in control and what do traditional parents want more than anything over their children to be in control we want to control how they look how they think who they marry how they are sexual or not how they are skinny or not how they take care of their bodies how they achieve how they succeed who they marry how they marry well marry me children they should have when they should have children you and I know

8:48 as parents this is what we want for our children we want control and when that control leaves us will lose our marbles we lose our sanity we lose our equilibrium because we are told from the old parenting paradigm that control is a parent's destiny control is a parent's right and therefore there are a bazillion discipline books which are really held to control your children so

9:19 my first book was called the conscious parent it was first for the first year only read by maybe two people my editor and somebody else on my staff and it was read by no one why because the conscious parent made the parent look in the mirror to ask themselves did you have children to raise children to be their own destiny makers or did you have children to control your own anxiety to control your own desire to be valid to

9:49 control them so that you could feel significant why did you pair it have a child and of course only two people read the book for the next one year okay and then five and then 11 and then you know it was very slow because who as a parent wants to be told that they had the child to be in control parents have been told that they had children because they are so lovely parents are lovely we are

10:18 lovely people we have children not for our control not for our ego we have children because when lovely we're so selfless and then you wonder moon why do parents not adopt more children if they're so selfless why do parents want to have their own children if they're so selfless hmm maybe because the parent wants to have their own they own their own genes their own name their own mirror hmm then you begin to wonder and then as parents

10:48 began to realize through my work that maybe did have children for their own ego this was a huge epiphany a huge shock and then my second book was is called out of control why discipline doesn't work and and what we'll of course nobody bought that book I'm just being facetious because I was again taking away a fundamental right in what parents thought they were born to have which is control I was now taking away discipline this is

11:20 the parents Holy Grail to discipline their children if you depend the child lost their keys we should discipline them they are not allowed to have keys again if the child forgot their homework they are not allowed to watch television oh my goodness this is what we parents live for some control over someone else and we do it in the name of discipline we call it discipline a big word which sounds so fancy but let me tell you it

11:47 is only it disguised for mass oppression and control so parents don't like to hear that so they were being challenged by my work because we want to def control somebody else okay then I wrote my third book called the awakened family and in that I talked about how parents need to heal their own inner wounds and it is only when parents heal their own crap that they stop using their children as a disguise as a distraction as an

12:19 addiction as a dependency no one like that either so now you didn't read my books you didn't like the lesson okay no problem can we now understand that what this virus is showing us is exactly what my message is not to not to give me credit but I'm like can you now can we now here can we now eat can we now wake up because what does this virus showing us right what is this moment in history

12:44 showing us that we do have no control holy-moly we have no control do we we have to let life live its course we have to flow we have to surrender we are not in control but it's also showing us that we have some charge what do we have some charge over we have charged over who we meet how we meet right we have charged over how we control ourselves our own feelings our

13:16 own emotions our own anxieties we do have charge only over ourselves only over ourselves we don't even have charge over how our partners are responding to the situation I have so many women especially reaching out to me with some complaints about their insane partners some husband stupid mostly women reaching out to me saying I can't control my partner and I say yes you can't control your partner you never

13:46 could you thought by marrying him and putting the ring around your finger you are putting the ring around his neck you can't you can't control how your partner reacts to this crisis because his or her past is being a vote his or her emotional wounds from childhood are being evoked you're not the mother you can't repair it your partner your partner is a vestige of their own upbringing so you thought you could control you thought that your partner

14:18 would save you now you're seeing a partner it's unfavorable and it's a shock to you but wow isn't it amazing that we get to see the illusion of marriage because marriage in some way was a great illusion that you could control your partner and you're like I can't control my partner and Parenthood was a great illusion that you could control your children can't control your children all we can do which is what my books talk about ad nauseam the only

14:47 thing we can do is be in charge of our own healing be in charge of her own equanimity be in charge of her own sanity be in charge of her own anxieties this is it heal your own holes H om es when you heal your own holes you actually become whole w h om e and don't learn it from my books or other wisdom teachers learn it from what life is showing you itself life is

15:19 showing you end your addiction for control end your addiction for distraction for outer accoutrements of life for outer things pleasing you end it there is no instant gratification there is no gratification right now now we can only go within because the without is out there's no more without we can't go outside we can't even go outside so this is like the perfect lesson that all wisdom teachers teach

15:50 which is stop looking without go within so is this not the perfect time to learn this finally because this is what all of life all over the globe is teaching us it is now time to go within it is now time to understand you will never in control you can only be in charge of something very small but something profound which is you so let go of control you cannot control your children people you can be in charge of the

16:20 conditions that may or may not allow them to thrive give them warm water warm food a warm bed lots of nurturance lots of care lots of presents that you are in charge of yourself you can create conditions in your own body and in your home but you can't control whether they like your one bed the other day my daughter said to me Mom you cannot control if I care about my school or not I said you're right I

16:48 can't control anything you're right she's like I will care how much I will care you can't tell me to care I said I can't even tell you to care a little bit she's like no I have to decide if I care I was like yeah you're right when will I learn this that I cannot control another human being and this moment in time is giving us the most profound parenting lesson we cannot control another human being not even the one who wrecked our

17:17 body came from our womb came from our blood so to speak no they are a spirit of their own making with their own decision tree and we have to allow their life to unfold their way or we can control or be in charge of is our own sanity are our own sorry about that our own presence our own degree of attainment and light and how we show up so the question to ask today is how can I be in

17:50 charge of myself and how can I let go of control of others and life I don't control life I don't control if I will live or if I will die I cannot even control how my lungs react right now and you want to look inside your your body if you could to check your lungs hey lungs I'm are you guys good to go are y'all going to support me guess what you can't control you have no idea if your lungs are going

18:17 to be able to handle this you can be in charge of your vitamin C of your zinc of your water of running every day go ahead but know that your limits are limited yes that's why they're called limits limits are limited within that though you have limitless wisdom limitless wisdom to understand the limits of your control so this is how we need to understand this present moment as a great teacher as a great teacher of the

18:48 most essential wisdom of life the next thing we need to learn in terms of parenting and in terms of life that this virus is showing us is this lesson number two it's teaching us more profoundly than ever about what's essential and what's not what I call in my book it's taking us away from ego to essence essence is my most favorite word probably and people make fun of me because I use the word essence so much

19:17 what essence means is the core is the deepest part of our authentic living meaning everything not ego in all my work you will see me same ego to essence ego to essence what that means is that all of us have been playing a role a role of the achiever a role of the rich one a role of the pretty one role of wife husband parent this limits limits our essence our essence is limitless our essence is part

19:49 of the cosmos is part of this energy it can never be bridled it can never be contained it can never be proscribed it can never be put in a bottle it is boundless as the ocean as the sky as the energy in the atmosphere and cosmos and the galaxies and beyond our ego limits us I am a wife really is that what you want to be in life a wife I am a parent I always tell parents why don't you not be

20:17 a parent today why don't you enter the role of grandparent even grandparents can parent better because parents are in the ego of their parent and of the parent and when you are the ego of being a parent you immediately enter the ego of control because you believe as a parent the other needs to respect me as a parent I need to be in control as a parent and then the role of parent blinds you obscures you to the essence

20:46 of the soulful connection between you and your child so this virus is showing us what is essential essence show entering the essence leaving the ego and you and I know we've let go coloring our hair almost we've let go looking all fancy we've let go our high heels we're in the sense it is essence show part of life we're like can I just get up brush my teeth hug my kid wear a pair of clean

21:18 pajamas and call it a day can we just all survive today and this is teaching us wow we have spent so much time in the non essentials of life we have spent so much time on the rubbish on the garbage and now we are reminded that life wasn't in the prada shoes in the Louboutin bags I don't even who makes who what Louboutin shoes Prada bags I don't even know we're not about designer clothes and looking fancy

21:46 and and ironing the wrinkles because what good is all that who is seeing us now nobody went home we're surviving we need to take care of our essential workers we need to take care of our neighbors we need to take off our children's well-being now does it matter who they marry when they marry how they marry how they look how skinny they are no all that matters is can we get through this together can we get through

22:12 this better can we get through this more aware more awakened we are whittling down now away from our addictive dependencies on collecting shoes and bags and labels and achievements and money and now we are whittling down to oh my goodness my friends matter my children's well-being matters my sanity matters this moment matters all that matters is this moment now we are realizing what is essential not an ego

22:45 not on our fancy fancy none of that matters and health crisis you know does this to us better than anything in the world right when you get that cancer diagnosis when you get that that term analogy of oh my goodness I'm mortal my time here is limited what am I wasting my time on on what my mother-in-law thinks of me and what my cousin's neighbor sister's wife thinks of me wife's sisters husband thinks of me really is that what I care about do I

23:16 care about what I'm going to wear then at the ceremony for whatever function two years from now does that matter now we're being reminded Wow none of that matters however I have to save some and share some disturbing news if you read this like Business Insider it had an article about Hermes store opening up in China again and it had a great whopping profit in in their sales and they sold like one two point something million

23:47 dollars in sales for her men's scarves enough to put her men's down but really I mean really if we don't learn the lesson now and we keep buying you know things that are really not that important and we keep investing in the non-essentials of life then we would have missed this lesson entirely what is essential now we should understand what is essential connection connection connection connection this is what's important so at least as parents let's not focus on whether your child is

24:18 a fancy equestrian or if your child knows how to speak the fourth language really well or if your child you know you know is going to go to an Ivy League school or not because none of that matters does it what matters now we realize is can we adapt can we change can we be resilient can we feel worth without our external indicators of worth can we wake up every day with optimism with grit with with

24:50 power that's what matters doesn't it so your child learning calculus and and finishing the year of ahead of the curve doesn't really matter right now does it because your child may never go to college right now or college as we knew it right now now all that you thought you are preparing your kid for their future you were teaching them how to be resilient for their future now you understand don't you that what future what future were you preparing your kid

25:18 for what future were you preparing any one of us for guess what that future that you thought your kid needed to get this kind of education for that future may never be in fruition that future may never come to me so it's a whole other future now maybe we need to teach our kids to be quiet to be internal to be in solitude instead of learning all that calculus and trigonometry maybe we should have been teaching them

25:47 meditation and silence and peace and inner harmony because that's what's going to get us through this crisis that we're with all you know that the next crisis after this health crisis is the economic crisis and you know to withstand the economic crisis is going to take great power of our mind that we can be without our attachment to our livelihoods to our bank accounts to our paychecks that is going to take tremendous power the next crisis is the

26:19 economic crisis followed closely by the mental health crisis it's all a mental game at the end of the day all of this is all about emotional resilience and if we can't see this more clearly now than ever then we are missing life entirely it doesn't matter if your partner who is so good looking anymore is it does it it doesn't matter it just matters can your partner cope it doesn't matter if your kid was getting a grades now does it it

26:49 just matters if your kid can cope what matters now is how we show up it's always been the only thing that matters and I have gone blue trying to tell people what really matters what matters is our inner connection I've said this from day one in our connection the essence of who you are now you realize how much time you waste it on the of life you wasted all these years caring about your mother-in-law your father-in-law your cousins sister's

27:20 opinion your friends opinion guess what who's at home with you now no one just you and you and you and a few housemates you call your family hopefully you like them but really what matters now is you and who you are and your face in the mirror and what you see there now it doesn't matter well how big your boobs are out of shape bubbly your buddies does it matter no one's looking at you but anymore no one

27:49 so what matters now is your relationship with yourself now this is what matters and what matters is whether you like your kid deeply truly like your kid without any extra now you can't get you gold medals your kid can't get you that certificate your kid can't get you the trophy now all the kids Ivy League all Community College are getting pass/fail and you're like damn it your kid pass your kids not as smart as my kid but the

28:18 dumb kids parent is like mighty pass just like your kid so all I'm saying there's no dumb kid but you know what I mean we're like but I my kid is so smart my kid is an a-plus student how's my kid getting pass/fail grades uh-huh uh-huh does it matter because this virus is a fabulous equalizer now it's showing us we don't care about your grades we don't care about your butt we don't care about how fancy your Botox fake perfect faces

28:48 doesn't matter all of you sit at home and now deal with yourself without any external gratification you can't even take how many selfies can you take it home no showing off at the Grand Canyon no showing off at the bar no showing off in the slinky dress because you're going to look like a total fool if you're in your slinky dress and made up face now you're going to be embarrassed you're like I just have to

29:10 look like regular normal that's why no one's taking any selfies no pictures anymore no external gratification no external addictions now you realize what really matters what matters my last only thing that matters is how you can stand you because you're spending a lot of time in your own company and you're like moon I don't like me anything anymore I don't like me much I don't know if they're like my housemates much so now you get to see all your past choices are

29:42 hitting you in the face now you get to see you know what I should have learned her to control my addiction to food because now I'm eating the fridge out and there's nothing on the grocery store shelves and now I'm hungry all the time I should have paid attention to whether I liked my own inner worth whether I like my own sense of who I am I should have paid attention to that I should have learned to meditate because now I'm

30:05 going out of my damn mind right so we're being taught these things we're taught these things by this unprecedented historical moment in time but the question is not whether we've been taught because we've always been taught our children were always here to teach us wisdom teachers were always there knocking on your door the question is not whether we've been taught the question is whether we can finally learn the lessons of life itself can we finally learn

30:36 immortality' can we finally learned that we are dust to dust can we finally learn we are a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck of a grain of sand can we finally learn our big egos don't matter the virus doesn't care how pretty you are the virus doesn't care how good you are the virus doesn't give a damn that you give philanthropic 10,000 dollars last year or two the virus doesn't care

31:03 because the virus is here to show us that at the end of the day we are simply dust to dust to dust we at the end of the day all this fancy schmancy you know is all our ego all that matters is that in this moment in time can we survive in this moment in time can we get through this with emotional resilience so all that you are preparing your children for drop it drop it this virus is showing us

31:33 that there is no future that all that you clung to in the past isn't here anymore but most importantly all your thinking doing producing performing acting aggregating accumulating was for the future there is no future there never was a future there never was and this is the most profound lesson because we did raise our children right people we raised our children for the future

32:03 with everything we did almost except for a few strolls and for a few breaths most of what we did and I speak symbolically yes and don't take me literally symbolically everything we did for our children was for the future this virus is teaching us the most profound lesson in life and parenting there is no future whatever you are planning for was in your hand was an illusion so even now

32:34 as a parent and a human you know that you're sitting here thinking what will happen tomorrow you know you're thinking it I got myself thinking and you know when she goes to college in 2020 then I will I like live for that yes for the freedom of travel and now go here and I'll go there and I'll go teach in China and and I'm like you little fool have you not learned to have not one thought wasted on what is a complete and

33:04 utter rendition of your delusion complete and utter illusion that there is no future even now parents are like what happened to my kid tomorrow you know when will schools open tomorrow should they do the SAT should little data what jobs will my child have tomorrow any such thoughts are a conduit for anxiety any such thoughts are actually a reflection of delusion psychopathy hallucination grandeur stupidity ignorance foolishness

33:35 yes no more thoughts of the future let this virus show you all that planning that you were doing all that cogitating all that justification I'm only crazy my child I'm only yelling at you right now because I care about your future now the children are like AHA just the other day I told my daughter to register for the SAT in June she told me mom don't waste your money there is going to be no SAT mom said but what if what if right

34:05 because we parents live in the what if so I told my 17 year old daughter don't worry it's my money what if you don't get room please register then I yelled at her did you register did you register and then I screamed at her you haven't registered she said mom there will be no SAT I said no just in case just in case please you don't understand the world is a competitive world and everybody will have registered and then you'll miss out

34:32 she said mom there is not going to be any SAT don't tell me what to do child go and register because I live in Lac and I live in scarcity and I live in competition and damn it if other parents are going to register and I'm also full and I'm a sheep so if other parents are gonna register dammit I will register you for the SAT she's like okay I'm telling you so I registered her and I

34:56 felt so good because I was a sheep and I was like all the other parents and I said now I feel so comfortable because I've like I'm in the crowd of the sheep I love it now I feel good I'm just like all the other sheep and then yesterday the SATs are canceled so I was like oh she like tell her why should I not so I'm like oh by the way by the way Mary Calvi I

35:22 thought I could just slide it in by the way the SATs have been canceled and I was just waiting and she's like uh-huh uh-huh what did I tell you mom why don't you understand we are in this moment right she's trying to tell me we are here do you not see there will be no SATs don't worry mom no SATs my yeah no SATs she's like now do not bother me till I know when the SAT is I will then

35:51 work backwards and I would start studying two to three months before mom don't stress me out till I know for sure I am NOT studying for the SAT now can you and I agree that you are going to release this and I said okay what to do what to do so what she taught me and what I learned is what I always should have learned is that stop living in the azov and live in the as is even a week

36:18 ago I would like living in the azov in my bubble of delusion that I want to be part of the competition and my child should do the SAT how deluded are we no really even me so deluded right I'm normal I'm like you a total sheep yeah I talk a good talk I'm a maverick but I'm not a maverick when it comes to my kid and everybody is doing something I'm like I have to be like every other parent in my

36:46 own life I can be a total badass but when it comes to my kid I'm like no no I'm really scared I have to have my kid fit in my kid needs to belong my kid needs to be part of the sheet okay so lesson learned I was living in the as if I was living in the future not in the present this virus and what I teach in my books but I don't follow really is to

37:11 live in the prayer yes to live in the damn present and who knows how to live in the present better than our darn children they live in the present so beautifully so beautifully when my daughter was young and I would tell her to shower I mean this is I'm really knocking her now she would smell herself she's a mom I'm not smelling I'm like I know it doesn't matter because you may smell tomorrow okay tomorrow you may smell she's like but

37:39 right now I'm not smelling I'm like okay I'm going to literally ring you go for a shower but that's just to show how our children live in the present she's like but now I'm okay now I'm fine who cares about tomorrow and children are masters of living in the present moment but we don't learn from them because it's too scary to live in the present moment because in the present we have to be present we can't be in our mind thinking

38:05 and cogitating we have to be here and alive so to wrap up how brilliant a parenting teacher this virus is it is a parenting lesson boot camp okay parenting boot camp and the three main lessons that I talked about today but every day I will talk about other lessons that you are never in control at best you're in charge of yourself number two what is essential only connection to

38:37 yourself connection to others that's it and the most profound lesson that our children are here to teach us the most profound parenting lesson which now this virus is highlighting is there is no past there is no future the only moment we have is now so if this is the only moment you need to ask and I hear now and with our mortality knocking on our door especially if you live in New York like I do where every human is a

39:08 possible health hazard you begin to realize how fragile we are how mortal Meah and therefore even more so are we live in this moment fully are we living in this present time with vitality with expensiveness yes you don't have a Jew yes you can't go to the bar yes you can't meet your friends okay it's not this moment to do that this is a moment to go in to go on a retreat to go on a

39:38 solid venture to finally do what you have never given yourself time to do to go within this is a rehab this is a retreat this is a timeout call it what you want but use it well you know when our children come to us as infants I beg early parents to get the lesson get the lesson that only infancy can teach the parent which is to go within to slow down - let go - stop talking - stop

40:06 being in your mind just be present this is the same lesson again here globally being offered to us on a plate you are being given the most vital portal to the present moment do not miss this lesson waiting for tomorrow hoping for what should be enter now this moment now we have it you have this moment this moment you are alive use it enter in meated greeted celebrated so thank you all for

40:40 joining me on instagram and thank you for joining me on Facebook and I will be back here on Facebook and Instagram story every day if I can if tomorrow will come at 12:00 noon eastern knowing that I'm not in control of that I will see you tomorrow bye guys