Transcript
0:00 I want to share with you something that to me is the essence of what I think about around being an inconvenient woman. And I just want you to take whatever you imagine and bring it down like 39 notches. Okay? Because the story that comes to mind that I think about all the time is this moment in an airport that has to do with my coffee order. And if you're thinking, Becky, are you going to talk to me for the next 20some minutes about your coffee order? You bet I am. Because in this moment, my whole past came alive. I think so many ideas around gender came alive. In some ways, the conflict between taking care of my own needs and taking care of someone else's imagined needs all came alive.
0:47 And I want to dissect this because I think we have moments like this every single day. And if we instead of running past this kind of elongate what is really happening and how does our past come into play today and how can we shift things a little bit? What do we have to get ready for and what do we have to question and reframe and learn and unlearn? That's what we're going to be doing today. So I promise you something accessible, relatable, and very very usable. Let's jump in. Okay, so there I was in an airport and I was desperate for coffee. It was a super early flight I was on. I was actually flying somewhere for good and side for work. And I am a major morning coffee person. I mean, separately, I don't know about you, I can't have an iced coffee before I've had a hot coffee. Like, I need my hot coffee. And it kind of sets up a whole rest of my day. Okay, so I'm in line at the airport. I get to the front and this is what I say. Hey, can I just have a medium coffee? Just a really little bit of milk, right? because just between us, I really don't like my coffee very very light, but I also like it with a little bit of milk. And I remember saying that cuz it's always my coffee order. Just a little bit of milk. And I did this thing with my hand. Okay. I then kind of pay.
1:59 I move to the side where they're kind of getting the coffees ready. They're like, "Becky, here's your coffee." I get it. I open it up. And it was basically white. Okay. I I don't even know if there's any coffee in there. I mean, it was very, very light. Like I don't know if your heart is racing. I feel like my whole world came alive in that moment. It was kind of like this existential question came up and I'm going to name it here because I remember it feeling really big cuz it didn't just feel like it was about coffee. Am I allowed to want things for myself?
2:40 Am I allowed to have something that I want to be a certain way? Am I allowed to ask someone to do something for me knowing it will kind of be a moment of inconvenience for them? If I ask for this coffee to be redone, do I have kind of the fortitude to tolerate the eye roll or the deep breath sigh that might come my way? What is everyone around me going to think if I ask for something to be done again to meet my needs? On the other hand, can I make this work? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Would other people react this way? And then the sword. Am I being selfish? Like so selfish. Whole line of people. I really really believe everything came alive in that moment.
Summary
- The speaker's coffee order becomes a catalyst for exploring deeper issues of self-advocacy and gender roles.
- A significant internal conflict arises regarding the legitimacy of wanting personal needs met.
- The fear of inconvenience to others and potential judgment from bystanders complicates the decision to ask for a correction.
- The experience illustrates the daily challenges women face in asserting their desires without feeling selfish.
- The moment prompts a broader reflection on how societal expectations shape personal interactions and self-perception.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of questioning and reframing these experiences to foster personal growth.
- The narrative encourages listeners to recognize and address similar situations in their own lives.