Making the rounds in Australia!

0:00 She is a New York Times best-selling author who's inspired families around the globe to transform and grow. Clinical psychologist Dr. Chafali is giving parents the tools to better understand and connect with their children. And safe to say it has Oprah Winfreyy's tick of approval. If you were to come downstairs in my house right now, you'd see a shelf of all conscious parents. So, anytime anybody anywhere is having a baby, if I meet them on the street or they're telling me they're having problems with their kid, I send them a book.

0:37 >> In exciting news, she's back in our country to share her parenting wisdom on stage. Whether it's navigating conflicts, empowering your children to share their emotions, or helping them become the best version of themselves, she has the tools that you need. Dr. Shafali live in the studio. Lovely to see you. >> Thank you. So happy to be back in Australia. so excited to be on stage in two days. Yeah, I love love this message and I think Australians are ready for it.

1:02 >> What about Oprah Winfrey walking up to pregnant women in the street and going, "Wow, you've got to read this book." >> Yeah, I think she just has this foresight to understand that we as parents have the obligation to awaken ourselves and heal ourselves. And she was able to see the truth of my message and how it can transform families. and she's been this global ambassador for the conscious parenting movement. >> You meet so many families in your work.

1:31 What is the one question which you are all always asked or it seems to be the biggest thing which is which families struggle with? >> Well, it used to be how do I get my kid to listen to me or respect me? But now it's become how do I keep my child away from online predators, the online digital space? How do I get them off the screens? So parents are really struggling and that's what I'm going to focus on in all my talks this year is how do we help our children stay grounded to their sense of self and keep the parent child relationship alive and strong because if parents can do that and that's what I teach then we can immunize our children from the online space >> are the goalpost moving so quickly for parents now even since the last time you were here the conversation around screens has become way more chaotic and param Yes. And and parents are helpless.

2:24 They don't know how to protect their children because screens are everywhere. So what I will be teaching parents when I talk in Sydney and Melbourne this week is how do you create those digital boundaries? How do you create the digital hygiene so that your parent child relationship stays front and center? >> So what's what one thing they can do Dr. Shafali? Like what's what could be a first step? Well, do not outsource your parenting to the platform because the codes that are behind the algorithm are not conscious. So, I teach parents how to take back their power as parents and no matter what the parent feels, no matter how helpless they feel, I give them the blueprint that their relationship can literally save their child. So, focus on the relationship, focus on the connection you have with your child. M >> what's the one big takeaway do you think >> connect before you correct connect before you control because children need to feel safe and when they feel safe they thrive and parents don't realize that their disregulation their anxiety their stress is corrupting their child's ability to come to them and they then sabotage their influence on their children >> so not kicking the bedroom door down screaming saying get off the computer >> because that's going to send them more to the computer.

3:45 >> It's all about just from your teachings as well like asking questions, not telling the kids. Can you tell us about sort of keeping that conversation open? How do you do that? Because we do we tend to want to go, "Put that away. Don't do that." But it's about asking a question. >> Well, it's really about understanding that children act out only because of three reasons. They act out because they're developmentally not ready. Their prefrontal cortex is not developed. They act out because of the relationship with the parent. the parent is too controlling, too many power struggles, or they act out because they're genuinely overloaded, over stimulated and don't know how to manage their anxiety. So the parents regulation really comes into play. Parents don't realize these three things. And that's what I teach parents to understand and once you do, you are immunizing your children against the outer world.

4:35 >> So ask them what what are you feeling right now? >> What's going well understand that they are not able to do the things you're asking them to do. So your expectations need to change. Ask them about how they feel about your power struggles and about your the control you're exerting. And when you ask out of curiosity rather than control, the child opens up. >> Yeah. You might just be surprised by the answer you get back from them.

4:59 >> Good stuff. >> So lovely to see this morning. Thanks for coming in. >> Thank you. >> Uh you if you'd like to see Dr. Shafali live, she will be on stage on tour in both Melbourne and Sydney this week. Uh we have all the details on our website. So lovely to see you again. >> Thank you so much. >> If you're pregnant and you meet Oprah, don't forget to ask for your [laughter]