Learn To Work With Your Children Instead Of Controlling Them – NBC Los Angeles

0:00 [Music] welcome back to California live you know Parenthood isn't easy as Warriors star Steph Curry says it's a lot of dealing with chaos and being able to try to keep your head up the best you can so if you're a parent and you don't feel like a hero right now just know you are not alone Jessica Vichy sat down with Dr shafali the author of the new book The Parenting map to find out how to navigate it all

0:25 Dr shafali thank you so much for joining me of course I'm so happy to be here I am so excited to talk to you I feel like a lot of parents are very excited to be listening to you so you are known as the parenting expert by many around the world but before we dive into your new book which is out now and everybody should go get a copy of the parenting map you speak a lot about the conscious

0:46 parenting so what is conscious parenting conscious parenting is a revolutionary new way to parent that really is different from the traditional way that you and I were raised on and in that it focuses on the growth and the evolution of the parent so instead of creating this perfect child the parent focuses on their own inner relationship with their own self and understands that that in a child that inner self needs to be raised

1:18 as much if not more than the child before them and you say that when we read your books that we will learn a lot about ourselves as we're reading them yeah I think there's no better Journey than the parenting journey to expose to us all our childhood baggage all the wounds that we have that we haven't healed or integrated so our children are really here to show us all the ways that we are still children ourselves with so

1:46 many unmet needs and so many desires that haven't manifested so this is our opportunity to go within connect to ourselves and heal ourselves all right so let's talk about power we hear a lot about having power over our own children because we think we know what's best for them right why do you say that it is so important to get rid of this so-called power over them well we cannot really have true power over anyone nor can we

2:13 ever have true control over anyone every human being really has their own inner power and inner control so the more we desire to artificially control and overpower our children the more we rob them of their own ability to connect to themselves and we want to raise children who grow up into adults who truly can connect to their own inner knowing and direct themselves and govern themselves so when we over control and overpower children in childhood we actually

2:44 disconnect them from their own innate reservoir of power and that's really creating a dysfunctional relationship with them and also within them so at what point do you stop controlling or stop telling them what to do you know there's got to be some things that you need them to do and you just at that point control do you just give up and say okay you do whatever you want it's not control or give up control it's not

3:06 an either or there's a vast number of options in between we don't want to dominate our children we don't want to dictate to them yes we need to get them to do things yeah but there's a way to do it through connection through play through negotiation through partnering with our children rather than from a hierarchical we're imposing our ways on them all right so you say you know yelling at children is pretty much counterintuitive yes how do you get them

3:33 to do things that you need them to do without having to resort to yelling I feel like that's something that a lot of people yes we yell at our children because we've lost all options we yell at our children because we're impatient we yell at our children because they've triggered us yelling is never an option just like you you don't get things done because people are yelling at you you get things done because you buy into it

3:54 and you connect with what you're doing so with parents if we want to parent consciously we need to get our children to buy it and we need time we need space children move at a slower Pace they have their own way of doing things quite magical and quite frustrating yes but we need to have the bandwidth and the patience we wanted to have children we didn't have adults we had children yeah children need extra time and patience

4:19 and getting triggered and yelling at our children will just cause them to disconnect from us I love that okay so you give us a road map if you will with this parenting map what do you want readers to know before they read this book that parenting is something that you need to cultivate within yourself it's not something you innately know how to do especially conscious parenting you're not just a conscious parent you have to become a conscious parent and

4:46 when you become a conscious parent you are giving your children the greatest Legacy one of the greatest gifts to give your children is the gift of your Consciousness not your unconsciousness so all my work helps parents develop into their most conscious self in this book The Parenting map lays it out step by step so if you've ever wanted to be a conscious parent this book will show you how you can do that right Dr shafali thank you so much thank you for having

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